Game Face in the World of Miscarriage

Typically my newsletters reside around book news…but today’s is a bit more personal.

Today my best friend in the whole world celebrates her 5-Year wedding anniversary. While she looks back and remembers all the beautiful friends and family gathered around her, laughing, drinking, celebrating…
collage picsI remember standing in the stall of a hotel bathroom, wadding up my chiffon bridesmaid dress and injecting a 1 1/2 inch needle into my butt.im progesteroneThe needle is thick too. It has to be because I was injecting progesterone in oil, a hormone that is often prescribed for women suffering from recurrent pregnancy loss.
hqdefaultI nicked a vein, as you sometimes can, and when I pulled the needle out, a fountain of blood squirted out in it’s wake. Being prepared for this exact moment, I had a wad of toilet paper tucked into the waistband of my Spanx and was able to put pressure on the bleed right away.

I slapped on a bandaid, yanked up my spanx…and went back out into the party.

Game. Face. On.

game face

A Game Face is a vital necessity when you’re living in the world of recurrent pregnancy loss and infertility. You see, three days prior to this…I was living in hell.

My husband, Kevin and I had just found out we were pregnant…with twins. Exciting times for most, but scary as hell for us. This was pregnancy number three for us. I had suffered two miscarriages prior to this day. Miscarriage one at 12 weeks, miscarriage 2 at 12 weeks 2 day. Miscarriage two began on the due date of Pregnancy 1.

Life was funny like that.1018100741

At barely six weeks pregnant, I was cramping so badly I swore I had internal bleeding. Several ultrasounds and an ER visit later, my doctor informed me that he wasn’t sure what was going on but that we should NOT attend this wedding five hours away in Kansas City.

“But it’s my best friend! I’m the maid of honor!” I cried to him, sitting inside a dingy ER exam room. I was literally bleeding all over myself at the time because for whatever reason, ER’s don’t ever want you wearing clothes beneath your hospital gowns.

He gave me those sad, sympathetic doctor eyes but remained firm on his position.

Kevin and I got in the car and before the door was shut I was yelling, “There is no way in hell I’m missing DJ’s wedding, Kevin. No way!” DJ has been my best friend since we were babies. I convinced her to stick a popcorn seed up her nose in Kindergarden and we’ve been thick as thieves ever since. Thankfully, Kevin completely understood. He’s is good like that.

So my doctor wrote me a prescription for pregnancy safe pain medicine, handed us my HUGE medical record, and wrote down a list of all the nearest hospitals in KC. We were preparing for the worst to happen while we were there.hands

I would likely miscarry.

Most people probably look at me and think…are you crazy? Stay home! Lay down! Keep your babies safe! But when you’re living in the world of recurrent pregnancy loss…life doesn’t stop. If I would have skipped out on every special event or evening out because I “might miscarry” or I “might be pregnant” … I would have been even more miserable than I already was.

And guys…I was pretty freaking miserable. It took us three years to get pregnant the first time and then I got the double whammy of being diagnosed a “habitual aborter”…at least, that’s what my medical records call recurrent miscarriage.

This is where the game face comes in.

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It’s party time, remember? My best friend is marrying the love of her life! So we dance, and we laugh, and we fake drink the night away…because the last thing I want to do is tell everyone I’m pregnant with twins but probably going to lose them before I get home. That’s the life of a Habitual Aborter. You mask the bad with the good. You perfect your Game Face. Because there’s no handicaps in the world of infertility and miscarriage. Every stroke is yours. Every bogey is recorded. And there’s no best ball.

Thankfully, I made it through the wedding, but I later lost both those beautiful babies. It wasn’t in Kansas City though. Baby A passed away around 9 weeks and Baby B literally fell into my hands over a toilet bowl in labor and delivery at 14 weeks pregnant.

But here’s the funny thing…the real kicker…  

Today, when my bestie posts a beautiful blog spread, celebrating her amazing day…it doesn’t make me sad at all. It doesn’t make me mourn the loss of those babies. It makes me feel closer to those precious lives I lost. It makes me feel like I shared one of the most beautiful memories with them. They were with me…inside of me…when I watched my best friend walk down the isle.

They were with me then…

They are with me now…

And they certainly….are with this little miracle that I ate fruit loops with in bed this morning.

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My point is…regardless of the bad…regardless of the sad…regardless of the horrid memories we all walk around with…it’s all shaping us into who we are. You just have to put on your game face, and get back in there. Because shooting for that big WIN is what makes memories worth keeping.


 10689481_1510303915911294_5779867820127012396_nAmy Daws lives in South Dakota with her husband, and miracle daughter, Lorelei. The long-awaited birth of Lorelei is what inspired Amy’s first book, a memoir called Chasing Hope, and her passion for writing. Amy is a lover of all things British and her award-nominated romantic comedy series, The London Lovers Series, is centered around Americans in London. It’s emotional and self-deprecating with lots of humor sprinkled in.
On most nights, you can find Amy and her family dancing to Strawberry Shortcake’s theme song or stuffing themselves inside children’s-sized playhouses because there is nothing they wouldn’t do for their little miracle.

For more of Amy’s work, visit: http://www.amydawsauthor.com

So much is happening!

I’m having trouble knowing where to begin this blog post because I’m overwhelmed with amazing things happening!

First of all…did you see my USA Today Feature on why I set my romance series in London?
It was AMAZING! So exciting to see my name next to ANYTHING USA Today related!
Weekend Hot Reads copyClick here to read the full article! 
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Also, I’m working on a special project that has nothing to do with my London Lovers or my memoir series.
I can’t release details yet, but it will be coming soon!

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Then…oh then…today of all days…a really incredibly special book anniversary snuck up on me.
My baby. My pride. My joy.

Chasing Hope

Quotes-Laughable
Never in a million years did I think I’d be anywhere that I am sitting today.
Writing a blog on my very own author website?
Are you serious?
I always wanted to be a sitcom writer as a child. I thought that sounded so cool. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to write a whole book! It seemed like too many pages…too many words…too overwhelming.
Then these tragedies started happening to me.
Life-changing sadness enveloped me and my husband and I was hurting. I was hurting for everything I’d lost and I was hurting for the hope that was fleeing from me every single day.
I had to do something.
So I wrote.

At first it was just the days of the “sad tragedies.”
So I would never forget….
Then it turned into more.
Then I started asking questions about publishing.
Then I found an editor.
Then I picked a day to release.
Then I introduced my angel babies to the world.
So they could be remembered always…not only in my heart…but on paper.
1 Year Anniversary graphic

Happy 1-Year Anniversary Chasing Hope.
You started something for me.
Something I never thought I could do.
I’ve just released my fourth book now and I found so much more than HOPE when I published you.

I found my dream and I found my happy ending,
both in family and in my career.
I call that…a really good freaking year.
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Chasing Hope Order Links: 

Amazon:
US: http://amzn.to/1LDYBoS
UK: http://amzn.to/1LDYIRh
AU: http://bit.ly/1Q8N95K
CA: http://amzn.to/1RloRbk
iBooks:
http://bit.ly/iBooks-CH-US
http://bit.ly/iBooks-CH-UK
http://bit.ly/iBooks-CH-AU
http://bit.ly/iBooks-CH-CA
B&N:
http://bit.ly/1rwc1aM
Kobo:
http://bit.ly/1PL4gQe

London Lovers Order Links: 

#1 Becoming Us – $0.99 LIMITED TIME!!
Amazon:
US: http://bit.ly/BecomingUs
AU: http://bit.ly/1GTOYhX
UK: http://amzn.to/1wUXIQG
CA: http://bit.ly/BecomingUsCA

iBooks:
http://bit.ly/iBooks-BU-US
http://bit.ly/iBooks-BU-UK
http://bit.ly/iBooks-BU-AU
http://bit.ly/iBooks-BU-CA
B&N:
http://bit.ly/14XYNQY
Kobo:
http://bit.ly/KoboBecomingUs

#2 A Broken Us
Amazon:
US: http://amzn.to/XFDHCz
AU: http://bit.ly/1IW683e
UK: http://bit.ly/AmazonABU-UK
CA: http://bit.ly/Amazon-ABU-CA

iBooks:
http://bit.ly/iBooks-ABU-US
http://bit.ly/iBooks-ABU-UK
http://bit.ly/iBooks-ABU-AU
http://bit.ly/iBooks-ABU-CA
B&N:
http://bit.ly/ZoX8RC
Kobo:
http://bit.ly/1vsI6nM

#3 London Bound – $2.99 LIMITED TIME!
Amazon:
US✦ http://amzn.to/1JbywyB
AU✦ http://bit.ly/1FjpbVI
UK✦ http://amzn.to/1IA2POX
CA✦ http://amzn.to/1JbymY6

iBooks:
US✦ http://bit.ly/iBooks-LB-US
AU✦ http://bit.ly/iBooks-LB-AU
UK✦ http://bit.ly/iBooks-LB-UK
CA✦ http://bit.ly/iBooks-LB-CA
Lulu✦ http://bit.ly/1F4QdNq

LONDON BOUND IS LIVE!

LONDON BOUND is HOT OFF THE PRESSES! 
Book 3 in the London Lovers Series is LIVE TODAY!

London Bound is a London Lovers Series Standalone,
so dive in and Fall in LOVE with the London Lovers!

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Check out this SCORCHING-HOT FAN-MADE TRAILER of LONDON BOUND!

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When Leslie Lincoln, a spunky, red-headed American, suffers an awkward moment with an arousingly-sexy British man—she thinks her life can’t get any more pathetic.

She’s done with men.
She doesn’t need them.
She especially doesn’t need their muscular thighs.
No siree, she’s going to forget all about the brooding, complicated, and seductive “Theo” who captivated her on the dance floor of a London nightclub.

Keep telling yourself that, Lez…..

Immersing herself into a new type of romantic cleanse, Leslie thinks she’ll never lay eyes on Theo again. But somehow, he’s managed to bulldoze his way back in—her cheetah-print onesie pajamas be damned.

He wants more.
She wants to run.
But he can’t seem to let her go.

Both of them have a past—and neither want to share.
How can love possibly survive in darkness?

inspire

Superman Teaser

Here’s all the current purchase links!
Links for B&N and Kobo will be coming soon!

US                             Australia                    UK                            Canada
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US                             Australia                    UK                            Canada
Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141

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London Bound is Coming!

The tummy troubles have begun.

My mother would yell at me for that comment and say that some things just don’t need to be said, but hey, it’s better than shouting from a mountaintop that I have diarrhea! 🙂

With London Bound being my 4th released book, I am now conceding to the fact that release dates NEVER get easier. I’m always a ball of nerves up until the very end–driving everyone in my family and network completely bonkers.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

With that said, I am so thankful to the cheerleaders I have in my corner rooting me on!

Superman Teaser

London Bound releases May 14th and is currently up for PRE-ORDER on iBooks!

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US                               Australia                    UK                            Canada
Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141 Get_it_on_iBooks_Badge_US_11141

If you haven’t checked out Books 1 & 2…now would be a GREAT time! London Bound can be read as a stand-alone, but reading books 1 & 2 add to the character connection!

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Let the countdown begin!  Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000040_00008]

October-Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

In honor of October being pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, I’ll be dropping my Chasing Hope e-books to $2.99 for the entire month. Finding something to connect to when you are grieving a loss can make all the difference in the world. I love connecting with my readers and sharing in their grief, sorrow, heart-ache, and especially HOPE. This picture is an excerpt in the acknowledgements section of my new novel. Even though I’d rather have these babies here with me….the gift their short existence has given me is worth more than I can fathom. I’ll love them forever.
#chasinghope #chasinghopealways #infantlossawareness #pregnancylossawarenessmonth
Kindle–> http://amzn.to/YTApMf
iBooks–> http://bit.ly/1rwjNGk
Lulu–> http://bit.ly/1BzF42I

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