You Are Enough

enough
Today is National Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. Just saying those words is depressing isn’t it? The fact that pregnancy loss happens to so many people that we need to designate a day to raise awareness just sucks. It sucks bad. But there it is….so now what? We’re talking about it, posting about it, tweeting about it. But what’s it really doing? Who’s it really helping?

When I started writing Chasing Hope, I wanted to write it just to get the nightmares out of my head. And to show to my family the true  trauma Kevin and I went through. No one knew and it was killing me that I had endured these ugly, life altering events and no one had any inkling the scary situations we were put in.

But something happened during my writing process. Something amazing. Hope found a way of sneaking in. HOPE of all things! After five losses in a row…five gory, ugly, bloody losses….how they heck could HOPE get in there? But it did. I laugh because the working titles of my book were nowhere near “Chasing Hope.” But it was like my story wanted to name itself by the time it was all over.

Maybe it’s because I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a daughter. After all our pain and anguish, I was granted a sassy, spirited little toddler with curly hair, big eyes and has miracle baby plastered all over her precious chubby face. Getting her granted me perspective. Getting her made me proud of my HOPE and not embarrassed by it.

But I know there are so so many couples out there right now that are grieving their losses without a little miracle to comfort them. And my heart breaks for them because we had those tragic, dark days too. Those days where I would hole up in our home office with the lights off and just cry and cry and cry and pray that hubby wouldn’t come in because I was just so so tired of sympathy.

So, try this thought on for size…

I am not going to give those couples sympathy today. I’m not going to give them awareness. I’m not even going to give them HOPE.

I’m going to give them a glimmer of the BIG PICTURE. The BIG PICTURE…is that someday, it will all make sense. I PROMISE you. Someday you WILL find your purpose, you will find your PEACE. You will find your own ENDING. It may not end with a child, as hard of a pill that is to swallow, it’s a distinct possibility. But you have to find a way to make yourself okay. You have to find a way to make yourself be ENOUGH. Because you are ENOUGH.

Grieve your losses today. Light your candles. Hug your spouses. But look into each other’s eyes and say, even without all of this…YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.

parking lot excerpt

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